Wow! Has it seriously been over a year since I blogged last? Let's just say I've been "away" for a while. Shortly after my last blog I fell into a deep depression. I remained in a fog for many months until I burst into tears one day after my doctor asked an innocent "How have you been?". He immediately started me on anti-depressants or my happy pills as I call them. I am back, happier than I have been in many years, and almost 100% healthy. So, I guess I need to play catch-up so here goes......

The results of the cervical biopsy I had in March 2009 came back negative for cancerous cells. Yea!! I got sick in April with a really bad bout of strep and was told I would need to get my tonsils out. Boo!! I was scheduled for surgery on May 21st 2009. The same day my sister was being induced for labor to have her sweet baby girl. Since this was her first baby, she lives in Texas, and her husband works out on an oil rig in the middle of the gulf, she would be staying at my parents house where they needed to take care of her and the bundle of joyfulness. Which meant I had no one to take me to and from the hospital the day of my surgery since everyone would understandably be with my sis. B asked if I would let him take care of me and I reluctantly agreed. I wanted so bad to have him by my side as I recuperated but I was also scared to move back home and put my care back in his hands. I healed quickly and decided I was ready to move on with a life without B. I stayed in our house until I could get an apartment of my own. The week I was due to start shopping around for a new adobe B lost his job. They found out he had been socializing with skank on company time and asked him to resign. That was in July 2009. Needless to say, I was the only one bringing in an income so the moving out had to be put on hold so that I could pay our household bills. To say I was frustrated and pissed would be an understatement. I vowed to leave the second he had a job and we were caught up on our bills. Two months went by and in September we randomly received a check for a good sum of money from his former employer. B suggested he and I go on a trip together with some of the money. It was at that moment that I realized I was no longer waiting around for the money to move out. That I no longer wanted out of my marriage and my eyes were opened to the man B was turning into. He was becoming the B I had fallen in love with and the B I had married 4 years earlier. We went on the most amazing trip we have ever been on together. We drove 8 hours across Tennessee to the mountains and stayed in a secluded cabin. We sat up all night talking like we used to do when we were dating and first married. When we returned from the trip I told B I wanted to stay and work on us. We began counseling a week later. B was very involved this time. Everyday since then he has blown me away with the changes he has made. He isn't just the B I married but an even better B. He vowed to do any and everything to make us okay again and to prove himself and renew my trust. He makes a point to remind me everyday that he loves me. I am so greatful to GOD for taking something so traumatic and making something good come out of it. I am a better wife now than I was before and he is a better husband. Our marriage is stronger and we are closer than we have ever been before. If you look back over the events that happened between April and September you will see many times that GOD obviously was at work in our marriage. I mean, my surgery being scheduled the same day as my sisters induction, B losing his job the week I was going to find a new place to live, the check we never expected, I am amazed by how great GOD is sometimes.

That leads me to now and the reason I thought to look up my "old" blog that I had abandoned. I found out a month ago that my doctor found some suspicious cells in my latest cervical biopsy (my 2nd since the last blog) and he wanted to go in and remove a few layers of my cervix on into my uterus. He said my "suspicious cells" concerned him mostly because of my sister being diagnosed with cervical cancer 3 years prior. He held up our biopsy results and they were very similar so I have been preparing myself for a cancer diagnoses. The good news is that if it does turn out to be cancer he has already removed the cancerous cells so as long as they don't return I should be cancer-free. My surgery was 2 weeks ago so I should be getting results this week from the cells they removed. After B and I got my biopsy results we went out to lunch to spend time alone. While at lunch B told me he wanted to have a baby. We had been putting off expanding our family because honestly we were happy the way things were. Our son is actually his biological son with his ex wife. She left when little man was 5 weeks old and gave full custody to B. I met B when L (our little man) was 10 months old and became B's wife and L's mommy when L was 2. We may not share the same genes but he is still my little man and my beautiful son. Prior to my biopsy results if anyone even mentioned a baby to me or especially B we would adamantly tell them there was no way we were having a baby. We just went through a hard time in our family and were still healing. Besides, how cliche is it to have a baby right after your husband has an affair?! But there I sat hearing him tell me he wanted to have a baby. The same man who had always told me outright he wouldn't be excited about a baby. Until that day I hadn't wanted one either. I mean of course I had moments of weakness whenever one of my nieces or nephew were born but overall I never felt ready. After hearing the doctor say if it is cancer and it does return I could maybe have a hysterectomy in my future, I became very ready for a baby. We both became very ready for a baby. So in 4 weeks we have the go ahead to start trying for a little peanut. All birth control has been thrown out already since there can be no physical interaction between the 2 of us for 4 more weeks due to my surgery 2 weeks ago and 4 weeks is when the doctor gave the thumbs up for getting preggo. Now I am realistic and realize conceiving takes time but if I am anything like my sisters or Mom, it's gonna happen quickly. Is it weird that I can discuss my Mom conceiving without cringing? Hmmm....





So that's my year and a half summed up. Wow. A lot can happen in just 18 months. I'll be back soon to keep things updated. Bye, the world wide web.